I am running behind schedule, but it's not midnight yet (where I am sitting anyway), so that means I can still do my Friday post and meet my commitment. I have to keep it brief though, because I am going fishing in the morning (Salmon), and it's going to be an early start on the day.
It is my opinion that a true apology has three critical elements. If ever one of the three elements is missing, then the apology is not complete. The person receiving the apology may need all three elements in order for the hurt they feel to heal, and they may only need one of the three elements. Everything is a case by case basis.
Element One: Say the apology. Whether it is by voice, text, email, handwritten, or any of the numerous means of communication. Just make sure you actually say it. Don't say you felt bad, or that it wasn't your intention or anything else to get out of saying the words. It is critically important that you actually say the words "I'm sorry", or "I apologize".
Element Two: Really mean it when you say it. Otherwise what you have said is nothing more than words and words can be used in any way. When you mean that you are sorry, it also means that you will do your best to not let it happen again. If you have hurt someone and do not let them know you won't do it again, they will clearly hear the message that they should be ready for you to hurt them again. Very often, that means they will move out of your life to avoid being hurt again.
Element Three: Make amends. Make up for what you did that required the apology in the first place. Show that you care about the person(s) and their feelings. Find a way to undo the damage done, or to give them something to replace what was lost. It could be emotional, or something physical. In the end, it comes down to what the persons involved need.
I want to make one last comment about apologies. Very often when we apologize, the person who benefits the most is the one giving the apology, not the one receiving it. If you don't make an apology that truly rebuilds the bridge, then you have lost something from your life when you didn't have to.
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